+- Man Utd People (https://manutdpeople.com)
+-- Forum: Home (https://manutdpeople.com/Forum-Home)
+--- Forum: The Lounge (https://manutdpeople.com/Forum-The-Lounge)
+--- Thread: Scouse Jokes (/Thread-Scouse-Jokes)
RE: Scouse Jokes - silverhoop - 06-11-2013
One night in a local Liverpool pub, a huge scouser was sitting at the bar slowly getting pissed. He was 6 feet 8 inches tall and weighed at least 400 pounds.
A little later a short, skinny, obviously gay man walks in and sits next to the huge guy. After having a few drinks the gay man sidled over to the huge scouser and whispered in his ear, "Do you want a blow job?"
At this, the giant Merseysider jumped off his chair, punched the guy in the face breaking his nose, grabbed him by the feet and threw him out into the car park where he finished him off with bone crunching kicks to the head. He then left the faggot laying on the floor and went back into the bar.
Amazed, the bartender brought the huge scouser a beer and said, "I have never seen you like that before. You are normally such a gentle man. Just what did he say to you anyway?"
"I'm not sure," replied the scouser, "It was something about a job!"
RE: Scouse Jokes - jonnypop - 14-11-2013
My brother would love this thread! Although I have to ask what is your overall tolerance toward scousers who support Man United?
Or could that be a joke in itself
haha
RE: Scouse Jokes - bala - 20-06-2014
I found some online and worth sharing...Scousers..
How many Liverpool fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None; they would rather sit around in the dark and talk about how good the old one was.
Q: Why do Liverpool blokes drink from a saucer?
A: Because the cup's always in Manchester! Ha ha ha
RE: Scouse Jokes - bala - 21-06-2014
This is going to be a laugh riot,a complete riot,ROFL..
St. Peter was manning the Pearly Gates when 40 Liverpool fans showed up. Never having seen anyone from Liverpool at heaven's door, St. Peter said he would have to check with God. After hearing the news, God instructed him to admit the 10 most virtuous from the group.
A few minutes later, Saint Peter returned to God breathless and said, "They're gone."
"What? All of the Liverpool fans are gone?" asked God.
"No" replied Saint Peter "The Pearly Gates!"
RE: Scouse Jokes - bala - 22-06-2014
One for the day...My quota for Liverpoool troll..
A woman three months pregnant falls into a deep coma. Six months later, she awakes and asks the nearest doctor about the fate of her baby. "You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine," says the doctor. "Luckily, your brother named them for you." "Oh shit, not my brother! He's from Liverpool! What did he call the girl?" "Denise," the doctor replies. Thinking that isn't so bad, she asks, "and what did he call the boy?" The doctor answers, "Denephew."
RE: Scouse Jokes - bala - 23-06-2014
Quite old but still worth a laugh.
An Arsenal fan liked to amuse himself by scaring every Liverpool supporter he saw strutting down the street in an obnoxious Liverpool jersey. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, then swerve back just missing them. One day while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?" "I'm going to give Mass at St. Francis church, about two miles down the road," replied the priest. "Climb in, Father. I'll give you a lift!" The priest climbed into the passenger seat, and they continued down the road. Suddenly, the driver saw an Liverpool supporter walking down the road, and he instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, he swerved back onto the road just in time. Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy, he still heard a loud THUD. not knowing where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors but still didn't see anything. He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, "sorry Father, I almost hit that Liverpool supporter." "That's OK," replied the priest "I got him with the door."
RE: Scouse Jokes - EdwardHyde - 24-06-2014
Q: Which ship has never sailed in Liverpool?
A: The Premiership.
Pretty classic, I love it.
RE: Scouse Jokes - bala - 24-06-2014
(24-06-2014, 10:42 AM)EdwardHyde Wrote: Q: Which ship has never sailed in Liverpool?And it never will considering its called the Premier League now
A: The Premiership.
Pretty classic, I love it.
That was pretty classic and yeah thanks for getting back the thread on track and keeping it alive..
Silly Liverpudlians
At the end of a tiny deserted bar is a huge scouse bloke - 6ft 5in tall and 350lbs. He's having a few beers when a short, well dressed and obviously gay man walks in and sits beside him. After 3 or 4 beers, the gay fella finally plucks up the courage to say something to the big Liverpudlian. Leaning over, he cups his huge ear: "Do you want a blow job?" he whispers. At this, the massive Merseysider leaps up with fire in his eyes and smacks the man in the face. Knocking him off the stool, he proceeds to beat him all the way out of the bar. Finally he leaves him, badly bruised, in the car park and returns to his seat as if nothing had happened. Amazed the bartender quickly brings over another beer. "I've never seen you react like that" he says. "Just what did he say to you?" "I'm not sure" the big scouser replies. "Something about a job."
RE: Scouse Jokes - Noucamp99 - 24-06-2014
These are great. I usually take a look at lunchtime (as well as other times) so thanks guys, for making my days go slightly faster
RE: Scouse Jokes - Johno - 01-07-2014
In a recent survey, it was revealed that 90% of men from Liverpool have had sex in the shower. The remaining 10% are stiil awaiting sentance and have not gone to prison yet.
When driving down Lime Street in Liverpool my indicators would not work. I used hand signals to turn right and some bastard nicked my watch.