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Scouse Jokes - chrissjay - 11-03-2009
Not sure if this is the place for em but i found a couple of goodens.
A Primary Teacher explains to her class that she is a Liverpool fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they too are Liverpool fans.
Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, 'Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?'
'Because I'm not a Liverpool fan,' she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Liverpool fan, then who are you a fan of?'
'I am a Man United fan, and proud of it,' Mary replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Mary, why, pray tell, are you a Man United fan?'
'Because my mum is a Man United fan, and my dad is a Man United fan, so I'm a Man United fan too!'
'Well,' said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Man United fan.
You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time..
What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then?'
'Then,' Mary smiled, 'I'd be a Liverpool fan.
An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar Birkenhead.
They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner.
He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad.
They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: 'My God, it's Jesus!'
Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint.
Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter.
Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another.
After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.
He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness.
When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: 'My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!'
Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager.
As he lets Go, the man's eyes widen20in shock.
'Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's A Miracle.'
Jesus then approaches the Scouser who says,
'Back off, mate, I'm on disability benefit.
A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the Counter and said 'Hi, I'm looking for a job'.
The man behind the counter replied 'Your timing is amazing. We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays. The Salary package is £200,000 a year'.
The Scouser said 'You're bullshitting me!'
The man behind the counter said 'Well you started it!'
Police cordoned off Liverpool City Centre this morning when a suspicious object was discovered in a car.
It later turned out to be a tax disc.
RE: Scouse Jokes - zainman - 21-03-2009
oy how come you say all the jokes let someone else for a change
RE: Scouse Jokes - Ziggy - 24-03-2009
Two kids playing football in a park in Manchester, when one of the kids is suddenly attacked by a rottweiler, luckily the other kid finds a plank of wood and shoves it in the dogs mouth, twists and breaks the dogs neck!
A man also in the park witnesses this, he says to the kid i'm a journalist for the Manchester Evening news, i would like to write an article about what just happens.
He starts writing a headline "United fan saves friend from dog", the kid says "I'm not a United fan".
He starts again "City fan saves friend from dog". Kid says "I'm not a City fan".
The journalist asks "Who do you support then", the kid answers "Liverpool".
The journalists starts again "Scouse bastard kills family pet!"
RE: Scouse Jokes - RedEagle - 27-03-2009
An United fan, a Scouser and a Chinese man are in the hospital maternity ward. The docters goes out to the fathers and he tells them that there has been a mix up with the babies.
He says, "each of you go in and choose a baby that you think is yours, then come out and then we will review the situation."
The United fan goes in first and comes out with a baby. The docter immediately spots a fault.
He approaches the United fan and says, "come on lad, you know thats the chinese baby" to which the man replies "I know, but there is a Scouse baby in there and I ain't taking no chances!"
RE: Scouse Jokes - Tidus_the_Almighty - 31-03-2009
Q. If you see a Scouser on a bicycle, why should you never swerve
to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle.
Q: Why does the River Mersey run through Liverpool?
A: Because if it walked it would be mugged.
RE: Scouse Jokes - calvestad - 05-04-2009
i hate liverpool
RE: Scouse Jokes - cosey11 - 11-04-2009
me too god i hate liverpool fc and the fans .. not one of them has a job . scouser cunts .
RE: Scouse Jokes - Fred Devil - 11-04-2009
Scousers are jokes.
RE: Scouse Jokes - wardlep - 11-04-2009
Love that joke bout the tax disc , absaloute quality mate!!
RE: Scouse Jokes - forby - 24-04-2009
All top jokes there lads lets av sum more eh! scouse bastards aint gunna win a thing this year gunna av 2 sack the cleaner only ting left to dust is the photos of the beatles! city of culture now thats a joke gity of doliets more like!